Ask Not For Whom the Bell Tolls

Well.....I made it. It was questionable for awhile but I did it. The stent has been destroyed, smashed into a zillion pieces and I can't tell you how much pleasure that gave me. I got to take home my mask. I thought I'd keep it for awhile and ultimately dispatch it to the trash room. I am going to try to insert some pictures in here if I can remember how. If not, I'll call my friend Nicole and she can give me the rundown again.

Dr Beadle, Nurse R and me.                                                  l

                          .

                                                                                   

 Without Neil I couldn't have done it.

I gurss I managed without Nicole, but thanks anyway It was good knowing you were there if I needed any help. I know that it ain't over yet but the soprano is warming up and she can't wait to scream those  opening notes. I look at this as the end of phase one of the treatment. I won't know anything until phase two which will occur in December when I meet with  Dr Weber and Dr Beadle for an evaluation of  the Radiation. At that time I'm sure it will all be perfectly clear.

Bell Ringer

Above are but three of the important people in my treatment. There were many more and so much more that I want to say about my treatment and M.D.Anderson. First that it is an amazing institution where the patient comes first. I've never been to a hospital like this and I hope that I never have to go one again, but it's so good knowing that it is here in my back yard if it is needed. They must issue subliminal training tapes to all their personnel stressing the patient comes first and that it's always the patient. All the people with whom I have had dealings certainly felt this way from the valet parkers (who always remembered my name and always asked how I was doing) to the people at the check in desk to whom I was more than just a number. I always had the feeling that I was not just one of the 90,000 patients that MDA sees in a year but that I was special. Everybody feels like they are special but there it is a reality. This is a hospitsal where doctors are available to the patients, business cards with cell phonne numbers are dispensed and no matter how busy they are, they aren't too busy to see you. Are there drawbacks to this? sure, sometimes there is a little longer wait to see the doctor but knowing that the same treatment is being afforded to other  patients is comforting unto itself. Cancer is the great equalizer and we are all the same and we are all pulling for one another.

Now, I'm really tired and am going to take a nap.

And Then There Was ONE

Today was a very rough day which I managed to get through. I took additional pain medicine this morning as I thought it might help with the stent. Maybe it did but it turned me into a Zombie. Nurse R told me I would no longer be taking the Lortab. Tomorrow is the last day of Radiation. Kinda reminds me of a poem by my favortie poet T.S.Eliot. The line goes"...this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper."It almost seems anticlimactic but at this point that's all I am looking for. My body really needs to recover from all the Radiation and I am looking for the healing to begin. I had trouble keeping down food today and I hope this improves. It's now time to go to bed. I have been very tired and tomorrow is the Bell Ringing day.

Two to Go

If I didn't feel so lousy, I'd feel good. I can almost peer into the Emerald City, it's that close. Today, as you can tell was not an easy one. I am having more trouble putting the stent into my mouth as I have deep sores on the right side of my tongue. The Techs are great and their patience is almost unwarranted. They all seem to know what to say and when not to say anything. I didn't think something like this was learnable. Tomorrow is the penultimate day and if I can get past that one, I'm practically home free.

Nurse R has been honing her driving skills (probably reviewing in her mind the story she would tell the cop for pulling her over) I'm just grateful for the ride. Today our regular exit from the freeway was closed; had mrs. Foyt been paying attention she would have taken the earlier exit and avoided the dreaded highway 288 which is really a pretty straight shot to the Medical Center. However, to hear Nurse R one whould have thought the route was designed by Satan working in conjunction with the Houston Highway Department. In any event, after all the ranting we were there in 20 minutes.

The afternoon treatment was a fast one and soon we were on our way home. Nothing untoward happened and it was a relatively safe drive.

Feeding timing has been thrown way off and it looks like once again I will only get in two feedings. I will try to ingest an Ensure but make no promises. Now, I'm really tired and may take a shower and go to bed. We'll see how that flies.

The Light is Getting Brighter

Two down, three to go. I had my 8:00 Treatment this AM. felt lousy which is my new way of facing the day, but better than I did last night. I believe I placed second in the Hurling contest. First Prize was captured by Seamus O'Shanussy who downed a fifth of Scotch (Not savored) a pint of Old Granddad (slugged away) and a triple shot of Oso Negro followed by a smidgeon of salted Tequilla and a handful of bar nuts. The Wake for Seamus will be held at Ye Olde Tavern from 6 - 10 Wednesday night. [Where did this come from?] I had the usual problems but was told things would improve in the afternoon. That was fairly accurate as they had no place to go but up.

Today was my last Weekly See. All were pleased with my progress and lauded Nurse R for her tenacity in dealing with an ill patient. She obviously impressed them with her Florence Nightingale skills and the bandying around of such arcane nursing terms as "suppository injection" and "feeding tube ettiquette." I have to stop this as the delirium is forcing it away from me.

I next went for my second treatment of the day fraught with the same problems. However, I survived it and we headed home at 3:30.

I am now into my second feeding of the day and it is 4:25 There have been talks of a third but I shall fight it with my last drop of sputum. Now I am quite tired and really want to take a nap but the tube is moving slowly. Maybe I can get Nurse R to speed it up.

Four More Days!!!!

I really feel lousy today and just looking at that title is cheering me up. I did not sleep well last night and this morining I had a great deal of trouble placing the stent in my mouth. It was pouring and the weather suited my overall mood.  Clicking off the days is the only thing making me feel good. Nurse R managed to get a feeding in before I took to my bed. She headed off to NM but called shortly thereafter to check on my mood which hadn't changed and to advise that I had one hour before my next feeding. It's a vicious cycle. I could cut out the middle man by tossing the stuff in the sink, or the toilet as the case may be. This thought, albeit a good one, did not go over well at all. I think I will now head back to my bed for some well deserved rest. I don't know why it is well deserved , but it is. More later

The End is in Sight

I finished my penultimate Friday at 8:20 this morning. I wasn't horribly sick trying to get the stent in place and things moved relatively quickly. (Just think, one week from today!!!) I've been very tired and today was no exception. I was no company on the ride home and couldn't wait to get back into bed. Oh no, I forgot, I needed a feeeding. That accomplished I went back to bed where I slept on and off until the next feeding time. I'm just so tired with no energy. Maybe I'll recover some of it this wekend as I don't have to rise at the crack of dawn for early appointments. Anyway, that's my hope.

I knew it couldn't last indefinitely and Nurse R called to see how I was doing.(Translation) Have you had your feeding, yet? Why not? Get up and go into the kitchen and get plugged in. I don't hear you moving. I will check back in five minutes. (Time passes) Ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello, who is this? No, we don't want any insurance. Oh, you mean Ensure. We don't want any of that either. Okay, so you're not asking, you're telling. Alright, I'll do it. Ring, ring, ring, Hello. I'm moving slowly toward the kitchen. Ring, ring, ring okay I'm in the kitchen. Where is the Ensure? The refrigerator, my what a good idea. I'll call you when I finish it.Ring, ring, ring. No, I haven't finished that's why I didn't call; but soon, I promise you soon.

And how has your day been?

Double, Double Toil and Trouble..

Today I learned that today would be one of my dates to double up on Radiation. I had my session at 8:00 replete with the same problems, the stent, nausea, etc. but I managed to get through it. I was told come come back at 2:30 for round two. Nurse R was very concerned about my feeding as this second dose was going to cut into my 1:30 feeding. I think she worked out the problem at 3:00 AM as I was told I would have to supplement my feeding with an Ensure. It worked for me and I managed to get it down before I left for MDA and the afternoon session. Immediately upon returning home I was placed in the feeding chair and  it started. What fun, you can't imagine.

Six days and eight more treatments to go. We met a guy in the waiting room this afternoon who was just starting. I was feeling very good and quite superior until I met another man who just rang the bell. We learned he was indeed, Mr. Macho. He took no pain medicine and had no feeding tube. Of course I didn't get to talk to him, and his brain may be mush, but that's quite an achievement.

I really feel whipped, my office looks like a sty (I thought maybe I could get Sally to clean it up for me, but that fell on deaf ears) Maybe this weekend...Now I have to take a nap.

Over the Hump Day

Wednesday's can be either good days or bad days depending on your perspective; it all depends on what you accomplished Monday & Tuesday and what you have left for Thursday and Friday. It is the perfect ambivilent day; my kind of day. I could have started with a poem like, "Eight little birds seeking to get to Heaven, one sat on a high voltage wire, now there are seven." Eat your heart out, Agatha Christie, I can do this too.

It was another rough day with the stent but apparently what Dr. Chambers did to it alleviated some of the problem and I was able to get it in place. We were told that next week will be my last week for Radiation and they will double up on three days which means I will show up at 8:00 for my normal session and return six hours later for part deux which will focus on the right side of the neck and the tumor that used to be able to be felt. Dr. Beadle came out to visit with us and told us that after the Radiation it would take 2 to 3 weeks to start seeing some improvement and that by Thanksgiving I should start to feel much better and hopefully the feeding tube can be removed.  Dr. Beadle said she enjoyed meeting Julie and could see where she comes by it. I guess I didn't know I had such a powerful impact. on my daughter.  Now I'm tired and must take a nap.

Nine Little Bugs Sitting on the Gate, One Got Zapped now There Are Eight

Moving right along. Today's treatment was not any easier than yesterday's. The stent is the real problem, I'll mention this to Dr. Beadle and see what she has to say. Last night was fairly bad. I did manage to get the entire feeding in but at what cost? I vomited up about a third of it thus exacerbating the pain in the back of my throat. Not good. I was very tired so I called it a day at 9:30 PM. Today I felt a little better but encountered the same problem with the stent. After we returned home I had my first feeding of the day. Yum!

Sally went to work but felt secure that I was in the capable hands of NRIT (Nurse Rachet in Training) who will heretofore be known as Minime. Talk about cut from the same cloth!! Amazing. Even the speeches sounded identical. Dr. Beadle was happy to see me. I introduced her to NRIT and there is no question that she understood where it came from. She diligently took notes as I believe she has a telephone exam after today's session. Dr. Beadle said I was doing great, hadn't lost any weight which was good, and the throat looked like it was supposed to look (Horrible) She called Dr. Chamber's offfice and sent me there to see if he could make some kind of adaption to the stent to make it more user friendly. I'll see tomorrow if it worked.

The nutritionist was concerned about me not having seven cans of formula. I explained that I was unable to keep it all down and that I have been vomiting up some of it. She seemed more concerned about volume as opposed to quality of life. Dr. Beadle told me that If I felt the need to vomit I should open the valve and release some of the food. She said the vomiting is not good. She also told me I should continue taking the Senokot but I could cut the dosage back to two. Minime was busy pointing out all the people in the waiting room that had bottles of water. I noted that I had seen them. So, some of the actors may have changed but the play was the same. I guess same time tomorrow.

Nine More Days

That has a nice ring to it. I have settled in with the feeding tube and although it is cumbersome it is a lot easier than eating and drinking in the normal way. It's not much fun but then again, food has no taste so what's the difference? I started off with my morning dose of Nexium and we headed to MDA for my treatment. The good news about being off for the weekend is I'm of for the weekend; the bad news is that I have had a chance to recover and not put that horrible stent in my mouth. This morning I had a real problem with it as I just kept on gagging and gagging. Even the spray was making me nauseus. Ray, the Radiation therapist, has the patience of a Saint and I finally managed to get the stent in place and we got started. Another day, down.

Once home it was time for feeding #1. These feedings take an hour and a half and there is a fair amount of work involved. Nurse R stayed for the entire procedure and then after securing my promise that I would do all the steps involved in the next feeding, reluctantly left for NM. I know there will be many calls leading up to the start time and during the actual feeding. Did you know that Nurse R has a new title? Yes, she is now Food Komisar #1. This is a very prodigious title and with it comes the responsibility of managing the food apparatus and all supplies connected with it. There is also a sub title which comes with this position and that is FI#4 the details of which I shall not delve. Suffice it to say there are very few who have the capabilities or the desire to maintain this position. Huzzah's to her.

I think I may take a nap before my next feeding. I'm quite tired as I didn't sleep well last night.

Yippee It's Friday

This was a rough week and I'm glad it's over. I had my Radiation a bit later this morning as I had an appointment with Dr. Dekovich at 11:30. He was gong to check my feeding tube to make certain all was functioning well. It is and he said that I appear to be doing well, nutritionally speaking. Nurse R was beaming the whole time as if to say, "nourishment doesn't come easily and it's because of my tenacity that he looks so good." That's true. I have also noticed that I don't need as much pain medicine and the pain patch seems to be handling it quite well.

I once again had a problem with the stent but the new numbing medicine seems to help and now #19 is in the record book. Dr. Beadle came by to visit us in the Radiation waiting room to see how we were doing. I think Sally is worried about her as she doesn't seem to have a life beyond MDA. After this and before Dr. Dekovich we went for coffee, Sally had coffee and I visited with Jim, the volunteer  who visits with everyone in the coffee area.

Having finished with our various appointments we headed out. I had to get home as I promised undying fealty to the mistress of the feeding tube and all that it entailed. Two hours later and totally bloated, I was allowed a respite, but I know it's going to start again in ten minutes.  I wonder where the overflow goes when the stomach is full? That would be a good question for Dr. D.

Two full weeks to go!!!

The Feeding Tube is in Place

Today was a rather long and unpleasant day. We arrived at MDA at 6:15 and was ushered into a cubicle where I was given a gown, you know, one of those garments that is open in the back to make your stomach more accessible; a small pair of skid proof slippers that covered half my foot and a shopping bag for personal items. The good doctor came in and told me a little more about the procedure, answered my questions (I didn't have any) and said he would see me in the operating room. He did and next I knew I was O-U-T. Probably the best I've felt in three weeks.

I woke up in the recovery room (It was the same room where I started) and proceeded to get dressed. Nurse R was there armed with notebooks and a working pen which she used to take copius notes. The dietician came by and showed us how to work the feeding tube. I'm sure it's easy but it looked pretty involved and complicated. As long as Nurse R has it mastered, I'll be okay. I was given a half of a can of formula and the tube was put through it's paces. It seemed fairly easy. From there We went to Radiation. We were told that supplies would be brought to us. They included 24 cans of formula, assorted constipation medicines, mucus disolving medicine and other assorted potions.

At Radiation, I had a severe problem not the least of it was the pain associated with the placement of the tube. The real problem was as it has always been, putting the stent in my mouth without getting sick. I couldn't do it so I went up to see the doctor. I didn't see her but I did see her nurse, Sherry Garcia who fixed me up with another numbing solution and accompanied me back down to Radiation. After several attempts I was able to get the stent in place and got on with the daily treatment.

Sally returned with a wheelchair holding our drugs and feeding supplies. I walked to the valet station and the car. I was nauseous and felt lousy, but I was going home and that was good. Twenty minutes later we were home and I was ensconced in my bed with my red blanket. ...but not for long.

It was now time for a feeding. As easy as setting up seemed in the hospital was as difficult as it was at home. I thought Nurse R was going to lose it but she came around and embraced the task.(Well, maybe that's a little generous) Through process of elimination we figured out how to do the feeding and take some medicine. It certainly beat swallowing but I also know that swallowing is in my future. So, I'm set until the next feeding.

The hospital or food service brought by the next weeks supply of formula and the plastic bags with which to dispense same. Apparently this is all submitted to my Insurance Company as I was not presented with a bill. My kitchen counter is now a miniature drug emporium. I don't know what it's all for but I'm certain I have some splendid mix and match opportunities. Tomorrow will mark the end of Week III and treatment 19 and then I have the weekend in which to recover.

Half way there

I'm sure today is a momentous one as I have passed the half way mark in my Radiation treatments. The mind wants to celebrate but the body feels like crap. All that and I just had 5 hours worth of IV fluid. I had my  Radiation appointment at 8:00 this morning and after that I met with the anesthesiology department who reviewed their plan for tomorrow's feeding tube insertion. I told them that as long as I was "Out" they could do what ever they wanted and they should wake me when its over as I have a Radiation appointment at 8:00. After that appointment we headed for the 5 hours of IV therapy. I tried to sleep through most of it and Nurse R was most obliging. I even made an effort to have some soup and a little chicken salad. The soup tasted like liquid dust and the chicken salad like a hardened variety of the same.I am now at home where I plan on doing a rinse, taking some pain medicine and a nap. Maybe I'll be more enlightened tomorrow.

Zombies Are Coming

Bad Weekend Followed by A Worse Monday

Now, doesn't that sound cheery? Alas, it's true. I think I spent most of the weekend in bed coming out to see the Astros lose their final game of the season and the Texans unable to pick up one lousy yard to tie the game. I was taking the pain medicine every four hours and that kept me pretty much out of it. My decision to have the feeding tube was a good one as I had very little to eat, my swallowing is extremely difficuly and even Nurse "R" was able to see this. The told me it was going to be rough and they were most cetrtainly right.

Today, I took my pain medicine and we were off to Radiation. I had another problem once there as I was unable to put in the stent without gagging. Neil called Dr. Beadle and she sent some some tongue numbing spray which was supposed to help. It said cherry flavor but had the distinct taste of motor oil. Now, how would I know what motor oil tasted like, you may ask? I don't, but this was my best guess. Four sprays later and I was able to insert the stent.

After that was completed I met with Dr. Beadle who gave me prescriptions for pain patches, suppositories for nausea, (the Zofran doesn't seem to be working and I just picked up my second prescription which is non-returnable) and liquid medicine to prevent constipation. From there we went home where I took to my bed. I just got up and saw my shadow Oh, oh 14 more days of Radiation.

My upcoming week is very busy. Tomorrow I have Radiation at 8:00 and IV therapy for 5 hours. I guess I'll do this until the feeding tube, which will heretofore be known as a peg, is inserted on Thursday. Wednesday I have Radiation at 8:00, meet with the anesthesiologist at 10:30 and then have IV therapy for 5 hours after that. Thursday I check in at 6:30 for the Peg at 7:00. I go to recovery at 7:30 and on to Radiation at whatever time I recover. All in all, it's a very full week.

I also see on my schedule that I have a CT scan scheduled for December 15th. so, there is light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully it's not another train. Nurse R has been very understanding and although out of love she is trying to foist  fluids upon me, realizes that I just can't take them. I pointed out the activity in my mouth and she now has a very clear idea of what I am complaining about.

Perhaps tomorrow will be better. Naaah, no way. well, Maybe!

Rough Night and Decision Made

Last night was pretty bad. I didn't sleep well and my mouth and throat really hurt and I couldn't swallow. I did several rinses which helped a little but it wasn't good. It reminded me of that old story about a man who was really feeling down and depressed when a voice came to him from out of the blue saying, "Cheer up, things could be worse." So, he cheered up and sure enough, things got worse.

At 6:00 I took a full dose of the pain medicine. Wow! I felt like a Zombie but at least I was able to swallow and it really did help with the pain. I had a yogurt and an Ensure for breakfast, neither of which could I taste but at least I got it down. Nurse "R" was very sympathetic and drove me to my Radiation appointment as I was certainly in no condition to do so. As a reward I finished my bottle of water. Ugh, horrible.

The Radiation today was most onerous. I had a lot of trouble putting the stent in my mouth, it made me want to hurl and that would have been a bad thing. Neil was very patient and told me to take my time and eventually I was able to do it but it was touch and go for a while. I am off for the weekend and hopefully I will be able to recover a little and maybe get some sleep. My energy level has certainly dropped and although I want to take my walk it is a question of the mind being able but the body not. I think I shall now take a nap.

I am enough of a realist to know that this is just the start of the pain and as it progresses, despite the ministrations of Nurse "R", there will be a constant battle over food and nutrients. It's a lose, lose situation therefore I have opted to go the feeding tube route. I called Dr. Dekovich's office and his nurse returned my call. I told her that I wanted to set up a time to have it done. She said she would send out the necessary emails and will call me on Monday. So, I'm guessing it will be done maybe Tuedsay or Wednesday. It's not what I wanted but it is the only sensible choice. I sound so mature I can't stand it. Waaaaaaaaahhhh.

Another Day in the Life

Last night I had my best night in terms of sleep. The pain medicine really knocked me out. This morning my mouth felt worse and the throat is quite sore. Hmmmph, another day.  I had some yogurt for breakfast but it had no taste. Nurse "R" is going to accompany me today because after my Radiation I am supposed to meet with Dr. Weber. I feel certain that I will learn nothing from him, but it's good to have company.

The good thing about the Radiation today was that someone got to ring the bell signifying the completion of the Radiation course. We all applauded her and probably all of us were thinking, "I wish it was me." Only 20  more zappings and I will get to ring the bell.That's the day I'm looking for. We then headed to elevator A and my appointment with Dr. Weber.

We checked in at the 10th floor and waited for a short time to be called. Prior to meeting with Dr. Weber we met with his nurse, Patricia. She had a few words of wisdom, like "It will get worse before it gets better" and how I must keep up with my neck exercises and my swallowing exercises. Nurse "R" said that I didn't have any swallowing exercises. Patricia asked me if I had met with a swallowing person and I said I met with a Miss Lovelace yesterday. Nurse "R" became unglued as Patricia was trying to find a report from Miss Lovelace in the computer. She would have kicked me had she been closer and was sending daggers in my direction. I thought it was very funny and I take my humor where I find it.

Dr. Weber joined us and added very little to the bank of knowledge. He was unable to feel the tumor in my neck and thought that was very good. Sally mentioned that I was not taking thre Erbitux but Dr. Weber was unaware of this. He said it was borderline as to whether I would benefit from it and that Radiation should do the job quite well. He said he would see me in six weeks for what I imagine is the first of many follow-ups. At that time they will do another CT scan to determine the success of the Radiation. That meeting having concluded, saw us on our way home.

I promised I would have something to eat when I got home and being a man of my word, I had an Ensure mixed with half a pint of soy ice cream and a scoop of protein powder. It looked like one of those old fashioned milkshakes you used to get at the corner drugstore but unfortunately was tasteless. I guess I now have to imagine what things taste like as the taste buds no longer function.

At 2:00 Nurse "R" called to see what I was having for lunch. She correctly asserted that I was napping but it was now time for sustanence. Her brilliant idea which I enacted would have won a Blue Ribbon in the "Most disgusting soup ever made" contest. It is made by taking three really good things and combining and heating them. Herewith is the recipe for what I call Green Slime Soup. 1 cup of Kenny & Ziggy chicken soup, 3/4 Twice baked potato and a handful of spinach leaves. Place in powerful blender and turn on high for 1 minute until liquified. That's it. How did it taste? How would I know. I wonder what ideas she'll have for dinner.

Moving Along

Today I started with my new plan to stay ahead of the pain game. I did my swish and swallow and had a strawberry Ensure for breakfast. This was followed by my first dose of Loritab, the pain medicine. This works very well and I only took half a dose (1 tbs) I was feeling okay when I left for my Radiation.

I had a conversation with Dana, my Radiation Therapist and she once again stressed the importance of proper hydration and nourishment. I told her that for all intents and purposes I was on a liquid and pureed food diet. I told her I tried to eat a protein bar but was having a great deal of trouble swallowing it. She suggested I put it in the blender and add some soy ice cream. I thought this was a brilliant idea as there are 26gm of protein in the bar. After the Radiation I had an hour before my next appointment so I went to Cafe Anderson where I thought I'd try the scrambled eggs. They tasted like rubber but I did manage to get them down. I also finished my first bottle of water and eagerly reported the latest ingestion to Nurse "R".

My next meeting was with the speech therapist although her official title is "Board recognized Swallow Specialist." At this point I could make some comment about Linda Lovelace but I won't. Anyway she stressed the importance of  swallowing and not allowing those muscles to atrophy. I told her I was basically on a liquid diet and she said that most neck and head patients usually are as they approach the last few weeks of their treatment. She said she would see me in a couple of weeks. Don Vold came by to see how I was doing and if there was anything he could do for me. I told him I was hanging in there.

Having covered one end of today's events I am now waiting for part deux, the Bowel Management class. I will have more information after it is over.

Enlightening would be the way I describe it. We were greeted by Annette Bisanz and given handouts upon entering the classroom and then saw a 30 minute film on bowels and how to keep things moving.  Annette, who also narrated the film  was excellent and really took bowel movements to a new level , as well she should. I left at 12:00 and stopped off at Walgreen's to pick up my new fluoride prescription. The new one should be much better as it is brushed on as opposed to using trays. That's it for now, I'm going to take my pain medicine and a nap. Maybe I'll have a bowel movement, Annette would be so pleased.

Welcome to Hard Times

I say we got trouble, we got trouble right here in River City and that trouble starts with P and ends in N and that trouble is P-A-I-N. Wow, it hit yesterday with a vengeance. My mouth is hosting a party; mouth sores, throat sores and stringy mucous. If you think that sounds disgusting, think about it being in my mouth. Aw shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. That sums it up. By the way, shit is a great word, it covers most parts of speech and expresses every human emotion. If this troubles you, then tough shit. But I seriously digress.I have some real pain. However, I do have an arsenal of medication with which to deal with it. The most troubling thing is that it just started and it is here for the duration which means FOUR MORE WEEKS! I'm a wimp. What more can I say?

The pain visitation occured yesterday around 12:00. The niggling thought turned full fledged and I don't deal with pain well. I had a little lunch, a bowl of soup and that was about it. I struggled to get down two bottles of the dreaded water and decided to do my fluoride treatment as at least I wasn't nauseous. Things did not improve and by dinner time I had a good idea of what I would be in for. Nurse "R" was at work so I had a shake for dinner. Chocolate Ensure, half a pint of soy ice cream and six large strawberries. I didn't need the strawberries as they added nothing.. I managed to get down another bottle of water and that was it for the day.

Last night I had thoughts of suspended animation and re-animation but decided it wouldn't work, so I plotted my strategy for dealing with this problem. I may be a wimp but it is NOT going to defeat me. I have my swish and swallow throat numbing elixer, my pain medication and my anti nausea pills. I figure as long as I can take sustenance I will be okay; that and water.Ugh! So, that is my short term goal.

Now I have to get dressed for my 8:00 appointment with the Big Zapper. Day number 11 is about to start.

I have just returned from my 8:00 Radiation appointmnet. Today they took placement X-rays to make certain I am in the right position on the table. I am. I was also given my new schedule and I am finished on 10/30.This means double doses on the 27th, 28th and 29th, but come Friday the 30th I will be done, medium well, but I'll take it.

I had my meeting with Dr. Beadle and she told me I was right on schedule as far as the side effects were concerned. She also told me what I had already suspected, that it would get worse before it gets better. She said I should probably start taking the pain medicine by the end of the week. She also said I would graduate to a pain patch which delivers the medicine without any intervention from me. It's good to know that when you are feeling poorly its going to get worse. That really made my day. I stopped off on the way home and got some chicken noodle soup sans chicken but it was practically tasteless. This is also not a good sign. I called Dr. Chambers, the dental oncologist and told him the fluoride was making me sick. He was really great, he apologized for that and said he would phone in another prescription for a different fluoride treatment to my drugstore. The doctors there are really accessible and they seem to care about the patient's comfort or lack thereof. I think I'll do a rinse. Why is it that I have no trouble tasting that?

Week Three Starts

I didn't suffer too many side effects over the weekend and that was good. Sunday night I was really nauseous so I finally took one of my Zofram at 11:30 and that did the trick. I was up at 6:15 and off to my Radiation treatment at 7:15. I noticed I have some sores at the base of my tongue but so far nothing I can't live with. The rinses seem to help.

This is a pretty busy week in terms of appointments but then I settle into regularly scheduled visits, ie Radiation and the Weekly See. Tomorrow I meet with the speech therapist at 9:00 and then I go home only to return at 1:00 for the Weekly See. Wednesday I have the famous bowel management class (I'll be sure to take notes) and on Thursday I have a meeting with Dr.Weber after my Radiation. After that nothing seems to be scheduled but that can change.

So, at the start of week three I feel pretty good but I suspect that the promised side effects will visit me this week. I'm going to try to do the fluoride treatment this morning as I am unable to do it at night. Just the thought of putting those trays in my mouth makes me vomititous. And on that happy note, I'll sign off for the day.

Week Two Ends

Nine down and twenty four to go. I'm still going uphill but I am nine days into my climb. I had my appointment at 7:15 this morning; the good news is it's really a great time as threre is no traffic, nobody is there and I sail right through my Radiation treatment. The bad news is that it is at 7:15. Next week I'm back to 8:00. The Big Zapper does hit me ten times in various places and it seems to be working. I can barely feel that nodule on my neck so I guess that's good.

I have noticed that I feel pretty good after my treatment. Perhaps that is beacuse I am finished for the day, but I'll take it. As the day progresses I start to deteriorate as side effects start to manefest themselves. Yesterday afternoon I really felt run down and and had that niggling sensation of an impending sore throat. I also noticed the white spots on my tongue but they didn't seem to bother me. The nausea is still there and I have been taking my Zofram which seems to work so I will continue taking it until my morning sickness departs. My appetite has also gone south but I am finding various subtitutes for calories. I made a vanilla shake yesterday using soy milk, soy ice cream and a big spoon of protein powder. It was pretty good. Today I will make a strawberry one using strawberry Ensure and I will also add a few strawberrys to make it more authentic. Drinking the water is still a problem but I have had soup, tea and other liquids. I have also noticed that my energy level has dropped. I still plan on walking but my walks will be much shorter and slower. All in all I am in pretty good shape after two weeks.

I picked up my prescription this morning. I had to wait 25 minutes as the pharmacy at MDA opens at 8:00. I have two large bottles of pain medicine which I had the pharmacist go over with me. I asked her how they tasted but she didn't know. I told her she needed to sample some so she could provide reliable fisrt hand information. she said nobody ever complained so I took that as a positive. While I waited for the pharmacy to open I had a carrot and raisen bran muffin and a cup of tea.

I figure I have a few hours before today's side effects kick in so I am going to walk early. I have the weekend to re-energize and I need it; so, I'll sign off for now and I'll have more on Monday.

I Was Bad

Alas, tis true, tis true. Yesterday was not a good day. I felt pretty good after returning from my Radiation but gradually deteriorated as the day progressed. I had a strong metalic taste in my mouth and and a very queasy stomach. I should have taken the anti nausea medicine immediately but I didn't. (That won't happen again) So as a result I didn't eat very much nor drink a lot of fluids (fluids=water) I also didn't do the fluoride treatment as I knew I would have thrown up. Fortunately I did not give any of my doctors this blog site so what ever I say here will not be held against me.

This morning was a little better. I did not have the queasy stomach so I had a bowl of cereal, soy milk and a banana and I also drank a bottle of water. I'm just trying to stay ahead of the curve. After my Radiation I dropped off a couple of prescriptions to be filled and will pick them up this afternoon after my meeting with the Speech Therapist.

Immediately upon my return home I took an anti nausea pill to ward off evil spirits, so I'll see if and how it works. Now I am going to attempt to do a little business for PGW but will have more after my visit with the Speech Therapist.

I decided to find out where the Speech Therapist was located so I went to My MDAnderson on line to check out the floor number and lo and behold, my appointmnet was changed to October 6th. I guess I have to check the schedule on a daily basis in order to find out what treats are in store for me. I called to find out if in fact the appointment had been changed and was told the Speech Therapist was ill, and it was. It's a good thing I checked because I would have been mighty annoyed had I gone down there and found that the appointment had been changed. Tomorrow I will have to pick up my prescriptions I left at the pharmacy.

That Nausea pill seems to work and I had a bowl and a half of soup for lunch and 8 crackers, so that's good. Also no new side effect symptoms have turned up; I'll continue to hope for the best. More tomorrow.